Talking to Kids About Scary Things

Maureen Fitzgerald, Project Director

In an age of constant, pervasive media coverage, it is sometimes difficult to shield children from exposure to traumatic events.  Media not only reports on events, that coverage can also at times focus on extremes.  For example, the chances of you or your child contracting Ebola are extremely unlikely, but coverage may cause a child to become fearful.  The recent shootings in Paris, plane crashes, school shootings, and natural disasters can all have an impact on children, even if they, or people they know, are not directly involved.  The news media also tends to mention anytime children were injured or killed in a tragic event, such as plane crash, shooting, or tornado.

Psychologist Diane Levin, author of The War Play Dilemma, What Every Parent and Teacher Needs to Know, points out that children think of the news very differently from adults.  "News to kids is not just tragic events or disasters; instead they define it to include their entire lives."
"They also interpret the news in personal ways. For example, when young children watch or listen to news reports about crime, bombings, and cyclones, they may worry about their own safety. Because young children are not able to fully understand cause and effect and distance, it's hard for them to make distinctions between an immediate threat and one that is far away." ( taken from http://www.kidspot.com.au/Preschool-Behaviour-Talking-to-your-kids-about-scary-news+7219+33+article.htm)

Tips for helping children process traumatic events include:

• Limit exposure to coverage. Avoid turning the TV on when children are present.
• Try to project a calm and confident demeanor - children pick up on your distress.
• If they want to talk about it, let them.
• Help them understand their personal level of safety.
• Avoid blaming people from different ethnicities, religions, or other groups.

A few years back, Fred Rogers of Mr. Rogers fame, shared advice his mother had given him, when as a child he heard about a frightening incident, which was  to "look for the helpers.  There are always people who are helping."

Follow the links below for some handouts and other information about talking to children:

http://www.providence.edu/hr/Documents/TalkingtoYourChildrenaboutScaryEvents.pdf
http://store.samhsa.gov/shin/content//SMA12-4732/SMA12-4732.pdf
http://www.brandeis.edu/lemberg/resources/trauma.html